You know what is really scary to me?

Failure, potential failure, or gasp, hatred from that huge mysterious gang of ‘people’ I envision existing out there in the world, but actually live mostly inside my head.  Sure, I give them faces and names from time-to-time, but most often they are a mass of imaginary people that might see me fail, judge me and then walk away happy to wash their hands of my sorry self.

Nothing can stop the flow of authentic pleasure, real joy and creative bravery than listening to the thoughts in my head that sing a song of failure. I have been listening to that old familiar tune the past months because I am trying to create something I’ve never done or seen before.

Every single time I turn up the dial with new ideas, fear of failure wants to play along.

WHAT TO DO WITH THE GHOULISH GUESTS IN YOUR HEAD.

The treat for this imaginary trick has a couple of arms, solutions and resolutions. Here is an example of my experience and how I am practicing turning tricks into treats. Play along and see if you recognize some of your own personal demons.

BE CLEAR ABOUT THIS FACT: IT IS JUST A SITUATION.

Let’s start with the situation. Just the facts.

I have a dream of blending my original poetry with glass.  I have created a prototype and even sold my first piece to a wonderful family after the death of a beloved pet. Here is a picture of beautiful Trevor, honored in glass.

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Inspired by my own pet, Sheba, I wrote stanza’s about how much she means to me, shared it with friends who enjoyed the poetry and the “Love In Glass” idea was born. Each piece has a special glass ‘pocket’ allowing for personalization, and I can further personalize each one with names, dates and other meaningful images. Inspired, I began writing about my favorite subject: love. I wrote about the power of love for unborn and newly born babies, grandchildren and parents. I could imagine a glass piece that could be used for ritual when loss occurs or celebration for the love on earth. The list is filled with ideas for celebrating love and in my mind are as clear as glass.

The project felt great, exciting and filled with POTENTIAL.  I could use my passion for words and blend them with glass and provide not only beauty, more importantly meaning. I could use my training and coaching skills to invite ritual into the hearts of others.  It was a situational “gift basket” combination of my skills, talents and passions.

PREPARATION WILL SHOW UP TO GREET OPPORTUNITY.

The universe joined me in supporting the idea.  I showed my sample “My Dog Is An Earth Angel” to friends and received orders.

Then in perfect divine timing, I met and joined the coaching team of hospice specialist, inspirational speaker, writer and grief coach Chaz Wesley, where I am now featured on his site “From Grief to Grace” as a coach. In addition, Chaz and life coach Ann Leach developed and launched at a hospice seminar for professionals across the state of Oklahoma a special grief website youhavepermission.com with products to support the grieving process. We joined forces and created ideas for warm glass candles with a beaded pendent and a copy of the original song, “I Will Light A Candle In Your Name” to be used in a ritual from alter to home, a way to honor those that have passed, and to process the pain of grief or give as a gift when words are hard to find. A gift for the grieving that is more lasting than flowers, more powerful than a card.

Then, I reserved a booth at an upcoming and delightful art fair next week, “Garden Diva Studio Party” and I began to prepare a targeted 40 pieces, ready to unveil my new ideas in a public forum. Confirmed commitment, that is where the scary thoughts began to grab for my ankles while hiding under the bed.

WARNING: THE HERO’S JOURNEY REQUIRES A TRUE NORTH COMPASS AND SOMETIMES A CAPE.

Circumstances and situations seemed to favor my deepest desire.  I began spinning the straw of an idea into gold. The power of attraction began manifesting confirmation that this idea had potential. However, sitting in the cheap seats of my private mind, confusing me with thoughts, you know, the crowd I told you about earlier. This crowd is interested in keeping me safe. That is the goal, and I must remember these thoughts DO NOT MEAN ANYTHING.

The imaginary group in my head says things like the statements below when my experiments and prototypes fail to meet my expectations:

  • If you were smarter you wouldn’t make mistakes.
  • Who do you think you are?
  • It has to be fancy and unique, your words aren’t enough.
  • No one wants your stuff.
  • You don’t have a head for business.
  • They hate you and your little dog, too.

They say lots of scary things.  That’s just a small sampling.

My primal reptilian brain, the amygdala designed to save me from danger with the “fight or flight” response mechanism is trying desperately to keep me safe by scaring the pants off me. My rational and evolved frontal cortex is bigger and has processing potential.  I CAN CHOOSE to question every one of those thoughts. I GIVE meaning to experience, a human super power always available to us.

Here is a sample of “turnaround’ thoughts designed to keep the compass headed north, a great thought questioning system, developed by Byron Katie, she calls “The Work” described at www.thework.com. Try it yourself in response to the bad apple thoughts that take a bite out of following your true north star.

  • I am smart enough to learn from my mistakes.
  • I am a woman who thinks.
  • My words are enough.
  • Some people want my stuff.
  • I have a head for creative business.
  • I love my myself and my little dog, too.

TAKE THIS TO THE BANK: EVERY MISTAKE/SUCCESS IS A TWO HEADED COIN.

I am now a week away from Garden Diva Annual Event and my public launch with “Love In Glass.” It is a busy time, filled with all kinds of circumstances. Some of my great ideas and solutions have found unexpected challenges.  Glass breaks, bubbles and warps without warning.  Every kiln run is a science experiment. Some technology didn’t work like I thought it would and new solutions have to be forged on the spot. I am dancing and weaving and cutting glass, and getting cut in return. It is exhilarating, exhausting, challenging and thrilling. It is the adventure of a lifetime. To birth a new idea, to love it in the middle of all the gook and heat, success and failure, now that is the kind of investment I want to make.

YOU KNOW WHAT IS REALLY, REALLY SCARY?

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Never leaving the safety of the Batcave. Holy Smokes Batman, that is terrifying.  Tonight I intend to step out with my own Batman and be ROBIN, with courage and a sense of fun.  Next week I will go to Garden Diva Annual Studio Party, November 7, 8 and show the world what I have created in my booth with Penni Gage and her sea glass gems. It will most certainly be perfectly imperfect. If you live in Tulsa, please come by and say hello.

So, what is really, really scary? Never knowing what it is to put on my cape and show up for my own personal heroines journey. To know firsthand the full circle of success, failure and success. To listen to a chorus of bad thoughts without question, instead of listening to the wise council inside my head that is a symphony of hope, creativity, passion, and gratefulness.

Will you share what is waiting to be born into your world and shine a light on what scary thoughts keep you from following your own North Star?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Comments

  1. Wonderfully and beautifully said. I can’t wait too see the final products next week!

  2. I have been experiencing my own inner sabotage. Thank you for your elequent words and real steps to silence (or at least reduce to a dull roar) the doubts!

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